5. The One with Nutella Cupcakes

My basement and I are officially at war. And, spoiler alert, it's not going well.  Like, if this was the House Cup, the basement would be Gryffindor and I'd be Hufflepuff.  Yes. That awful. I don't think I ever mentioned this, but I initally ruled this house out when I was looking because of the basement.  It was dark and cold, and looked like something out of one of the "Saw" movies.  I got over that, of course, but still wasn't loving the basement.  My dad was awesome and painted it white to brighten it up.  I got brave and wiped down about half of the cobwebs coating the ceiling.  I figured it'd be fine and I could live with it.  But then, I discovered that my basement was also home to an insect zoo and, as you all know, I hate, hate, HATE bugs. First, it was the house centipedes, then it was the spiders. I'm Ron Weasley when it comes to spiders.  I've gotten ok with small ones (you know, the ones that are easy to kill) but if it's bigger than a 1/2 inch, I'm done.  A few weeks before all my friends came, I went downstairs armed with a can of Raid and sprayed the shit out of my basement. I was thrilled for about 5 minutes, and then realized I'd just exposed my cats to poison, so I moved all their stuff upstairs and kept the basement shut up for 2 days. Then, I powercleaned everything to the best of my ability, and life resumed.  My friends arrived...and all the spiders that hadn't died came out to play.  It was awful!  They climbed up the vents and were in my living room....bleeeeeeeh, I'm grossed out just thinking about it.  Oh, I also found a dead mouse in the basement that week. That was fun...  Anyway, the past few weeks have been relatively creepy-crawly free.  Until last night, of course. I had a decent day, but I was tired, cranky, and completely unprepared when I turned on the basement light and found this guy on my basement floor. Well, not him exactly.  I didn't have time, nor did I want to take a picture. I grabbed one of my Converse and crept slowly downstairs.  I edged around the spider, who didn't move and tried to figure out what to do next.  I think that spider and I stared at each other for about 5 minutes.  My biggest concern was that I wouldn't be able to take him out with one smack.  He was seriously huge. Probably about 2 inches in diameter at least. I finally decided I just needed to go for it, so I slammed my shoe on the ground. I knew he was dead, but found it necessary to scream about five times anyway.  I grabbed a huge wad of paper towels and pushed him off my shoe and into the trash. That's when I turned around and found his two buddies, dead already. More screaming. Thank goodness they were dead.  I don't think I had it in me to kill anymore.  I probably would have ran upstairs screaming and locked the door permanently. I hate you, basement.

On a totally unrelated, happier note, I bought Pixar stamps at the Post Office today. Score.

So, the Nutella cupcakes. And Nutella frosting. I think it's safe to say that these were my best cupcakes yet...no exaggerating.  I made them on Sunday.  For those of you who aren't up on pop culture, Sunday was the Emmy's, so my friend, Erica and I had an Emmy-watching/cupcake baking party at her place. I wasn't really thinking about transporting everything when I chose my recipe and it wasn't until I had my stuff loaded up that I was like, "shit, I'm going to look ridiculous."  So, I drove to her apartment (which is on our local college campus), unloaded my car, and walked to the center of campus with my stuff.

 

This recipe was relatively easy, despite all the ingredients.  I was guilty of not accurately measuring again, but it turned out fine. The frosting was to die for. Seriously...I just wanted to float away on a Nutella frosting cloud and eat nothing but that for the rest of my life. I still might, depending on how the rest of my list pans out...

 

Mixing together all the cupcake goodness

Frosting!

Erica, with her pumpkin pie cupcakes, which were AMAZING!

Nutella cupcakes! Yummm!



Not a great picture, but this was the final product

 

I ate one of them immediately after being frosted and I had zero complaints.  They were delicious and I love them. I'm sad because I only got to have one...haha. The recipe made three dozen, so I left 12 with Erica, and took the rest to work without setting aside any for myself.  They were a big hit at work and I got a few requests to make more soon. Yay! I have some fall cupcake recipes lined up for the next few posts, so get excited! 

11. Figure out something new about myself and share it with someone

I'm having Monday morning guilt.  You know what I'm talking about...you have all these plans for things to get done over the weekend and then, before you know it, you're waking up on Monday and all you've accomplished is watching Joseph Gordon-Levitt gyrate on the SNL stage.  (Which, in retrospect, is not a bad way to spend a weekend at all...) I just feel bad because I had four people I wanted to call this weekend and I didn't call ANY of them...not a one.  I know they'll forgive me and it won't be a big deal, but I hate that it didn't happen.  To be fair, I had a ridiculously busy weekend.  On Friday, both of my sisters came into town.  The last time all three of us were in the same place was almost 2 months ago, so it was a big deal.  It was also a REALLY big deal, because we had tickets to see Anthony Rapp in concert! For those of you who either live under a rock or don't like awesome things, Anthony Rapp played Mark in the original cast, as well as the film version, of RENT.  He also had a hilarious role in "Adventures in Babysitting." (Thanks for recommending it, Aunt Sarah!) The concert was amazing and we got to meet Anthony afterward, get his autograph, and Kaylee crossed "hug Anthony Rapp" off of her bucket list.

 

Friday night also involved me seriously contemplating getting another cat.  The verdict is still out on this one, pending a few different factors, but when/if I decide, I'll fill you in on the full story.  Saturday was a much needed lazy day.  We got up, made a massive brunch, decide to nap off our food comas for 20 minutes, 20 minutes turned into 2 hours, you get the idea.  We did get to the store and found Kaylee some professional wear for her upcoming interviews and then came home to eat a ridiculously awesome dinner, prepared by yours truly.  Saturday night was also my friend Tyler's classy birthday party, so I got dolled up and went out for martinis. 

Sunday was...beyond crazy.  I got up, made a batch of my buffalo chicken chili, said goodbye to my sisters, and then went into work for a jazz and hip hop workshop with guest teacher, Rachelle Ochsner.  Rachelle used to dance with my boss, Jessica, when they were younger and now has her own studio and competition team in Chicago.  We've brought her in before to work with the girls and it has always been a success. Yesterday, however, was extra special.  Firstly, our girls have improved A LOT since we first brought Rachelle in, so it was nice to see them picking up the choreography.  Second, I always get good ideas from Rachelle as far as describing how you should hold your body, or how you should be moving in individual steps, and yesterday was no different.  I think the thing that set yesterday apart was a talk that Rachelle gave about confidence.  Rachelle does a lot of "self talk" whenever she visits, but she spoke several times about the need for confidence in every aspect of your life.  She told a story about herself auditioning for one of Janet Jackson's tours.  She said that it was pretty much down to her and another girl, and the other girl was having an awful time picking up the choreography.  Rachelle, on the other hand, was killing it and thinking to herself that she totally got the job.  However, the other girl stopped dancing, and strutted past Rachelle and in front of the judges, with an insane amount of confidence.  The judges all cheered and in the end, it was the other girl who got the job.  Rachelle also talked about being a cheerleader for yourself and telling yourself daily how great of a dancer you are, or how beautiful you are, or what a good cat mom you are. (Well, she didn't actually say cat mom, but work with me here...) She talked about how good confidence feels and how great it feels to be confident in your dancing.  And the whole time she was saying all these things, I felt like she was talking directly to me.  I think I mentioned in my last post that I was feeling more confident in my body, and that's true, but confidence is something I've struggled with my entire life, especially when it comes to dance.  Those of you involved in any kind of performing art know it's a harsh world; you're told all the time that you're not good enough or can't do it.  I heard those things...and I started to believe them.  See, I was never the best dancer at my studio.  I wasn't the most flexible, I wasn't the most graceful, I wasn't the best turner/jumper/anything.  But I was musical and I could learn choreography and so that's where I knew I could shine.  I loved dance.  Love, love, loved it.  When I got the job I have now, I was overwhelmed and thought about quitting a few times.  How could a mediocre dancer be a great teacher?  Both of my co-workers have dance degrees, but I didn't.  I didn't have a ballet background, which is so important in the dance world.  The confidence crusher struck again and, honestly, I've been struggling with it ever since.  I used to think to myself on a weekly basis, "maybe my dance girls would be better off with a different teacher.  Someone who was the best. Maybe I'm holding them back."  But then, one of them would tell me they loved a combination, or how great of a teacher I was, or would even thank me for class, and my confidence would be restored.  I'm not sure what happened over the summer, but a huge amount of confidence set in. I don't know where it came from, but I don't care.  It was there, and I was loving it.  I spent almost the first three weeks of class feeling amazing.  I was teaching with confidence and it felt FUCKING AWESOME.  I was on top of the world...and then I had a bad night last Wednesday.  I had to have a chat with two of my classes about negativity towards me (yes, me) and their peers.  I hate having to talk with my classes about things like that.  The cherry on top was one of my advanced classes.  It's one of my favorite classes of the week, and they were just not in it that day.  I felt like everything I tried failed or didn't resonate with them, and almost instantly, that confidence was gone and the old, familiar, "I'm not a good teacher" feeling sunk back in.  So, when Rachelle was talking yesterday, and I was listening just as intently as all of my dancers, it hit me...why am I making myself feel like shit? Why? I mean, it's not a great feeling, it doesn't make me a better teacher, and when it happens, those are the nights that I end up taking work home with me.  I needed to change.  I needed to start telling myself that I AM a great teacher.  Because I am.  No, I may not be able to perform every step perfectly, and yes, my splits are embarassing these days, and no, I don't have a degree I can point to when things get hard, BUT I have joy and I have passion for my job and, in my opinion, those two things are worth more.  In some ways, I felt like I had to work harder as a dance student to keep up with my more talented peers and I know I've had to work harder at my job to keep up with my amazingly gifted and talented co-workers, but I've realized that that has made me a better teacher.  My fight has made me a great teacher.  My compassion for my students, my listening ear, my ability to laugh at myself when I fall on my face or screw up a combination or have to ask my girls what a certain lyric in a song means, make me a great teacher.  (Note to everyone out there: "3" by Britney Spears is a dirty, dirty song.) The fact that my students not only learn about dance from me, but about life, makes me a great teacher.  And, the fact that when I think about ever leaving this job and leaving "my girls" and leaving my two wonderful friends who also happen to be my co-workers...when that makes me physically sick, I know that I'm a great dance teacher.  And I know I'm in the right place.  Rachelle said something else yesterday that really resonated with me.  She said, "God wanted you to dance in your life...maybe just for now, maybe as a teacher, maybe on Beyonce's next tour...but he wanted you to dance."  And you know...I KNOW she is right.

 

Well...this is actually not at all what this post was supposed to be about...haha.  I was all set to write a hilarious post about the Nutella cupcakes I made yesterday...but as I'm sitting here in my dining room, crying over this post, I just learned something great about myself and I wanted you all to be the first to know.  I am a damn good dance teacher.

The One with the Halfway Point

I'm in love with this day.  Aside from the fact that it's not the weekend, it's been SO great!  I had a good morning of preschool, I chatted with Jessica at lunch, my dance classes went super well, my tap rehearsal was wonderful, I talked to Emily after work, briefly talked to my friend, Ross, my favorite girl won "So You Think You Can Dance," AND...the Friends episode with "the five" is on, which is one of my favorite episodes. Tuesday, you are rocking my face.

So, tomorrow is the big day...the halfway point of my list, the halfway point between 25 and 26.  (I despise the fact that the last sentence rhymed. I generally hate rhyming.  Future husband prospects: writing a poem will get you nowhere fast.) This is the point where I start panicking about how badly I've been procrastinating and how I'm getting to be so old... Yeah, I realize I'm not THAT old, but having a sister in grad school and a sister that's almost a senior in college makes me feel that way.  To distract me from thoughts of hip hopping as a senior citizen and eating excessive amounts of Jell-O with my false teeth, I thought I'd recap my list to see how badly I'm failing.

Things I've Checked Off My List

1. Close on a house

2. (I'm still not telling...)

3. Skype with my best friend from our special spot

7. Write a blog

12. Buy someone random an anonymous coffee

14. Let go of something (It's done...and I couldn't be happier!)

15. Visit the Farmer's Market and buy myself flowers

21. Make pizza from scratch

24. One time when I feel like crying, don't; dance instead. Crazy dance.

Total Things Crossed Off the List: 9

 

Things I'm Still Working On

5. Make so many cupcakes and find my specialty

6. Get down to a size 6...this one is going really well, actually.  I was bad about tracking my meals while my friends were here, but I'm getting back on track with that.  Starting dance has also helped.  I'm getting about an hour minimum of dancing a night myself, and I can feel the difference.  Plus, I bought myself a lot of new clothes at the end of the summer, so I feel a lot more confident too.  Check me out!

This was the end of July, when I went to see "Rock of Ages" with my fam.

 

8. Have my job NOT be the center of my life...this one is also going really well.  I'm actually about ready to cross it off the list, but I wanted to get back into the swing of classes and see if I'm still doing a good job of leaving work at work.

 

9. Get my yard looking presentable

10. Read a book that changes my life

19. Go to church consistently

Total Things I'm Working On: 6

 

 

Things I Haven't Started Working on...Yet: 10 

 

 

Well, damn. I'm not sucking at this as much as I thought I would.  And, despite the fact that I have 10 things left to cross off my list, I've given several of them a lot of thought.  It's just a matter of actually doing them.  But, I guess I still have 6 months to get it done. Thank you all so much again for all your support and for reading about my crazy life!  I appreciate you all. :)

 

 

2. and 25...The Ones I Could Share With You...But I Won't

So, the day I was dreading finally came...all my friends left to go back to their lives and I was forced, kicking and screaming, back into mine.  To say it was awful is definitely an understatement.  You know that moment in the LOST finale when Kate realizes she will never see Jack again and they have a wonderfully dramatic good-bye? Well, that makes me sick and want to cry...but this is worse.  I think I'm having an awful time mainly because everything happened here.  See, my friends get to leave, but I'm still in the same place that all the fun happened, minus the fun.  It's quiet, clean, and organized, just like it was before.  Only now I've experience the house as loud, mildly messy, but always full of great conversation, hugs, food, and laughing. I want it back.  I will say that we all had an AMAZING last weekend together (that may have included me getting thrown in a pool, fully clothed) and that I wouldn't change it for anything. To Emily, Rachel, Seth, and Ryan: I love you guys insanely and I will let you live at my house for free. I will make you cupcakes every day and we can all cram into my bed and just laugh at each other.  I miss you guys more than you will ever know.  xoxo

Anyway, back to the blog.  I've been purposefully holding off on writing about #2 and #25 because frankly, they are WAY too personal for me to share with you all and I wasn't sure how I would handle addressing them.  These are also the two things on my list that I thought might not happen at all. The only people who know about #2 and #25 are Ria (of course), and a few friends...that's it. "Letting go of something" was pretty personal, but these are even more so.  After a lot of going back and forth on whether or not I should tell you what they were, I decided not to. Besides, they don't really involve an opportunity for hilarious failure and I know how much you all like to laugh at the crazy shit I do. So, with all that being said, I'm going to keep #2 and #25 to myself...BUT, I will tell you that in the past two weeks, I was able to cross #2 off my list and I'm so happy that I did! :)  Anyway, enough of me being mysterious!  Next week is the halfway point for my list...6 months down, and 6 months to go!

5. The One with Butterbeer Cupcakes

It's official...I'm going to be a hot mess when my friends leave. I'm already getting teary-eyed thinking about it, which I did not think would be the case.  Don't get me wrong, I love, love, LOVE my friends more than I could ever explain, but I was a little nervous about them coming for a few reasons:
1) They would be here for my last week of summer and first week of class, which is, understandably, a crazy busy time and I sometimes turn into the dragon lady when I'm super stressed.
2) I haven't had roommates since college.  Completely my choice.
3) I guess this technically falls under number 2, but I'm gotten used to not having people here and fully abusing that privilege, i.e. showering with the door open, walking around without pants, you get the idea.

But, aside from having a particularly stressful day last week that had nothing to do with them, it has been a wonderful time!  It's been so great to hang out as ADULTS. Yes, I said it. I still don't believe that I am one, but I guess owning a home is a pretty adult thing to do.  Today, we decided to have a small Labor Day cookout since I had the day off work and they didn't have rehearsal until later.  Initially, it was just going to be me, Emily, Rachel, and Seth.  We asked our friend, Megan, to join us, and then my friend, Tyler.  And then Ryan...and his friend, Justin, was in town, who also happens to be an old friend of mine...anyway, lots 'o people.  It. Was. A. Blast.  We grilled out, laughed until our sides hurt, watched movies...it was the perfect day.  But don't worry; all perfect days also have cupcakes.

I found this recipe online a few weeks ago, and given my Harry Potter obsession, I knew I needed to give them a whirl.  Why I chose to do that on a day when I would be hosting seven other people, I have no idea.  See, not only was this a recipe I hadn't made before, but it also called for ganache (which I've never made before), using a pastry bag (which I've never done before), and filling the cupcakes after being baked (umm yeah...haven't done that either.)  Despite the cards being against me, things started off well. I made the ganache right away in the morning and let it cool while I showered.

Mmmm...butterscotch.

 

Then, I made up the cupcakes.  That part was easy.  I put them in the oven and made the frosting, which I was nervous about.  See, I don't measure when I cook...never.  I've been trying to break myself of that when I'm doing cupcakes, but I guess I got side tracked because before I knew it, I was pouring powdered sugar straight into the bowl...shit.  However, the odds were totally in my favor, and the frosting was effing fantastic!  Seriously, if this cupcake shop doesn't pan out, maybe I'll open a frosting shop...

 

Cupcake batter, ya'll!

 

Emily and Tyler, "helping" me out

Magically delicious frosting

 

Then, everything turned to shit. (Just one of many bodily function references that was made during this process.  Also, lots of "that's what she said.")  You know in "Bridesmaids" when you're introduced to Rose Byrne's character and you just know that shit is going to get crazy?  Yup...my ganache was Rose Byrne and it wasn't messing around.  I was getting ready to do the filling for my cupcakes when everyone came out to the kitchen to see if I needed help. I asked Emily if she could fill the pastry bag with the ganache for me.  I forgot to tell her I'd already cut the bottom of the bag and that she needed to either cover the hole with her finger or twist the bottom closed.  Major ganache explosion.  We decided to use another bag.  Once it was tipped and filled, I took over.  Now, a lot of recipes I've seen with filled cupcakes have you cut out a small piece of the cupcake before you fill it. This one didn't...I was just supposed to stab the cupcake and fill.  So I did...or I attempted.  Now, some of you may not know this, but when you stab a cupcake with a frosting tip with a large hole in it, the cake gets stuck inside the tip, which forces you to squeeze the bag even harder.  I'll spare you all the details, but let's just say I ended up getting ganache all over my hands from the top of the bag, someone was saying, "no, you need to be firm and gentle," and I'm pretty sure Betty Crocker was rolling in her grave.  Then, to top it all off, I squeezed too hard, the tip came out of the bag, and ganache started flowing. (That's what she said. To all of the above.)

 

...This is what happens when you have an open bag of ganache.

 

Filling the cupcakes

...And then the tip broke.

So I improvised.

 

We stopped taking pictures for a little bit after this one.  Let's just say I ended up with frosting all over me and then things just got too inappropriate to post.

Check me out, bitches. I just frosted those cupcakes!

 

The final product

Ryan took over frosting for me.

This is how I SHOULD have made them...with my awesome Ron Weasley wand.

 

 

Despite all the crazy, I was pretty happy with the final product.  All my friends LOVED them! (Again, their exact comments aren't quite appropriate to post, but just think along the lines of, "I love this cupcake so much that I (add "The Lonely Island" song title here)." I liked them too.  I thought the cake part was good, but not great.  They seemed like they were missing something, maybe cinnamon or butterscotch chips.  The ganache was tasty and the frosting was unreal.  I'll definitely be making these again...but maybe when it's just me at home! :)

 



9. Get my yard looking presentable

Happy September, blog friends! I hope you are all enjoying your extended weekend. I know I am. I took Friday off from work, because hey, who doesn't love a four-day weekend? I've gotten to spend some quality time with Emily, Rachel, Seth and Ryan, have extra snuggles with Stella and Charlee, AND had my first pumpkin spice latte of the season. Tomorrow's gonna be a big day too. Not only am I making my first giant batch of soup for the fall, but I'm also making a new kind of cupcake. Wish me luck!

So, number nine has actually been revised from it's original format.  Number nine used to be "plant a garden at my new house."  I was so excited. Part of the reason I wanted a house was so I could plant my own garden.  But that was before I arrived at my house at the end of May and discovered what a disaster my yard was.  You know those creepy old-looking houses in movies that are overgrown with weeds and look like they haven't been mowed since 1999? Ok, that's maybe a slight exaggeration of my yard, but you get the idea.  The mowing was taken care of pretty quickly, but the rest of the yard got seriously neglected because a) I was too busy with the rest of the house, b) it was too damn hot to be outside and c) it was too damn hot to be outside.  I think I asked Ria if I could change #9 around mid-July.  She was fine with it and I was excited to get started.  But then a month went by and I'd done nothing.  About 3 days before my friends arrived, I decided the yard need to look mildly presentable.  Before I went outside armed with a trash bag, my iPod, and my ridiculously cute gardening gloves, I decided to take some "before" pictures, so we could track my progress together.

 Weed village next to my front steps!

 

More weeds in front of my house.

Weeds, weeds, weeds...

Dying hostas in the backyard

Deck weeds.

I bet you're tired of weed photos...

 

But there's one more.

 

Determined to transform my yard in one afternoon and brag about it to everyone I knew, I decided to start with the sketchy front yard.  I was outside for almost an hour in the hot sun and filled a 35 gallon garbage bag...but I barely made a dent.  I quickly discovered about 5 baby trees growing right next to the house that I was unable to remove on my own.  (Although I did try...insert hilarious montage of me sweating and growling as I try my darndest to pull a tree out of the ground.) I was able to clear around the one tree that was actually supposed to be there, so I called it a day.  That was about two weeks ago.

 

Today, my parents came down for the afternoon, with my grandparents who came to see the house for the first time.  It was a really fun time and Grandma and Grandpa loved the house.  After they left, my dad came outside to help me in the yard.  He cut down the baby trees and then we worked on weeding.  After about an hour, he left and I kept going. Yes folks, I weeded for about two and a half hours, filled 4 garbage bags, and still have some work to do.  But I was sweaty, my ass hurt from the awkward squatting position I'd adopted for most of the afternoon, and I had a tramatic encounter with a large spider, so...I called it a day.  Although I still have a ton of work to do, it's looking SO much better.

 

Thanks Emily and Rachel for my kitty planter!

 

So, I've made a dent.  But, Rome wasn't built in a day, and since my yard is obviously going to be more fabulous than Rome, it will take some serious time.  But as always, I promise to keep you updated on all the weed-pulling and future landscaping endeavors.