19. Go to church consistently

So, remember how I was so upset about summer coming to an end?  Well...that ship has sailed and I'm ready for fall right now. I want to wear the nice fall cardigans I just bought. I want to sleep with the windows open without drowning in a pool of my own sweat. I want to eat soup every day. Damn it, I want a pumpkin spice latte! But apparently, August has decided to be a bitch and go back to being 90+ degrees. Sigh. August has, however, brought one good thing: FRIENDS!  For the next two weeks, I am going to have 2-3 roommates and I could not be more excited.  My university is having an alumni theatre show at the beginning of September, which several of my friends are involved with, so while they are putting together a show at lightning speed, I'll be serving as their hostess. (Or Residence Life Captain, as I like to think of myself.)  At first, I was a wee bit nervous about this arrangement, considering I haven't had roommates in three and a half years. But then, I got over it.  Emily, Rachel, and Seth arrived last night and things could not have been any better. I gave them a tour of my house. I got to see my friend, Ryan, whom I haven't seen in...well, we're not sure, but it's been a long effing time. I ran errands and watched several episodes of Modern Family while they were at rehearsal, and then we went out for a drink after. So. Great. And then, in true Seth and Steph fashion, we drove to Steak-N-Shake at midnight, had some delicious food, drove by the scary dinosaur at the museum, and came back home.  ...I get two whole weeks of this. I'm jealous of myself.

So, the church post.  I think I mentioned this one a while back, but I've actually started working on it now.  Before I begin, here's some background: I am NOT a church hater. I was raised Catholic.  I attended the same church from infancy until I graduated high school, and then sometimes when I was home for a weekend. My family went to church every Sunday, I went to Sunday School...that's how it was.  I liked church for the most part; the people were nice, we had really great priests (for the most part), my Sunday School friends eventually became school friends when we moved my freshman year, and, most importantly at the time, I got to look forward to "Donut Sunday" every month. I'd say my relationship with God was ok.  Not awesome, but ok, mostly because I didn't always pay attention in church.  In high school, I'd regularly run through my lines for a play or one of my recital dances in my head during mass. Now, I'm not an idiot and I know I'm not the first person to not pay attention at church.  But I kinda felt bad about it.  When I moved to college, I kept going to church for awhile (I went to a Catholic university), but after a bit, I started asking myself, why the hell am I going if I'm not even listening? What am I getting out of it? So, I stopped going, which was a lot harder than it sounds. The first week was easy, but each week after that, I felt guiltier and guiltier. Ah, good old Catholic guilt.  And good old family guilt.  That's when I decided: I wasn't going back to church until I was the one who wanted to go.  Not my mom, not my friends...me. I've officially been on my "church-vacation" for five years now.  I still go with my family when I'm home, or on holidays, but that's it.  Actually, it's been a really good thing for me.  Not going to church has made me think about what I believe in and what's important to me.  My parents raised me to be a good person and to love, and those are the things that are important to me.  Those are the things I try to do and be on a daily basis.  Those are the things that have kept me out of trouble when I've wanted nothing more than to punch someone in the face.  I also realized at some point that having a relationship with God was something that I wanted for myself and it's something I work at every day.  No, I can't quote Bible verses, and no, I can't tell you which Sunday in Ordinary Time it currently is, but I can tell you that my relationship with God is much stronger than it was five years ago.  I am much more thankful than I was and definitely a better person. 

So, my challenge from Ria is to start going to church consistently.  Here's what I have to say about it, and I don't mean to offend anyone, but I think there is a chance that church is just not for me.  I expect that several of you reading this are wanting to tell me I'm wrong right now; that I just need to find the right church with the right fit, that I need to be more open about this. The fact that I even let Ria put this on my list shows I'm open.  I could have told her to take it off, that I wasn't going to go, but I didn't.  I'm going to try it out and just see what happens. If I find a great church where I feel at home, awesome.  If I don't, it's not going to change how often I pray or chat with God.  I hope I do find a church, because I would like to raise my children Catholic someday, but I'd also like them to have a choice when they are older about whether or not they want to go to church.  I want to raise them the way my parents raised me, to be a good person and to love, because I think those are the things that have taken me far in life. I think you can be a great person and not go to church, and God will love you just the same.  But hey, I'm also the girl who believes the animatronic dinosaur at the Putnam is going to come to life and eat me, so what do I know?

I attended my first official "trying it out" mass last week.  Over the past five years (and even a bit in high school) I did try out some different churches with friends, but I quickly found out that they were not for me, nor were they what I believe in.  I have, however, been to a Lutheran church that I like and I'd be willing to go back.  The church I attended last week was a Catholic church and I went with a friend, Krista, whose church judgment I trust very much, since she is one of the best "good people" and one of the most loving friends I've ever met. The church was beautiful, the music was nice, the people seemed genuinely friendly, but I did NOT like the priest.  I won't elaborate too much, but we'll just say he seems to be a very unhappy man who looks at the glass half empty.  Krista was completely appalled by his homily (as was I, and seemingly, everyone else in church).  She apologized several times and said that he is not the priest they have every week.  As I was leaving, I heard several people echo what Krista had said, so despite the negative experience, I told her I would try it out again. 

If you made it through this entire post, I congratulate you! This was a deep one, for a Saturday morning.  Please keep your fingers crossed for me, that my next experience is a more positive one.  And now, I leave you to start reading some books to change my life and make a batch of peanut butter filled cupcakes.